guys… it’s a palm tree.
“A three second exposure meant that subjects had to stand very still to avoid being blurred, and holding a smile for that period was tricky. As a result, we have a tendency to see our Victorian ancestors as even more formal and stern than they might have been.”
His name, he revealed, was Christopher Thomas Knight. Born on December 7, 1965. He said he had no address, no vehicle, did not file a tax return, and did not receive mail. He said he lived in the woods.
"For how long?" wondered Perkins-Vance.
Knight thought for a bit, then asked when the Chernobyl nuclear-plant disaster occurred. He had long ago lost the habit of marking time in months or years; this was just a news event he happened to remember. The nuclear meltdown took place in 1986, the same year, Knight said, he went to live in the woods. He was 20 years old at the time, not long out of high school. He was now 47, a middle-aged man.
Knight stated that over all those years he slept only in a tent. He never lit a fire, for fear that smoke would give his camp away. He moved strictly at night. He said he didn’t know if his parents were alive or dead. He’d not made one phone call or driven in a car or spent any money. He had never in his life sent an e-mail or even seen the Internet.
Most interesting thing I’ve read all month — what’s stranger is that he lived less than an hour away from my grandparents and I’d never once heard of him before now.
I think that was the point hehe
- 90s Animal Planet: Animals are cool, kids! They can be your friends! But watch out, some are dangerous! Ooh, watch Jeff Corwin handle the most venomous snake in Africa! Aw, look at the tiger babies! Oh, let's learn about conserving the environment! Remember kids, we must respect this planet, because it's the animals' home as well!
- 2013 Animal Planet: ANIMALS WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. And guess what? PARASITES WILL TOO! Yes I know those aren't really animals, I guess. OH YEAH HERE'S SOME PSEUDO-SCIENCE ABOUT BIGFOOT. He's an animal too, right? WATCH THIS WOMAN GET EATEN BY HER PET CHIMPANZEE. ANIMALS ARE SCARY, KIDS. BE CAUTIOUS AROUND YOUR PET LIZARD OK. oh look kittens!
- 90s History Channel: Here kids, we're gonna talk about this society today. History from all time periods and all countries. Isn't this stuff fascinating? Watch us dig up a tomb!
- Early 2000's History Channel: So there's this guy named Hitler. And he's pretty bad. Let us tell you how bad Hitler is. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. More Hiltler. Hey have you heard about this guy named Hitler?
- 2013 History Channel: Aliens moonshiners aliens rednecks aliens pawnshops aliens aliens aliens hey have we mentioned aliens because aliens
- 2014 History Channel: Was Hitler an Alien?
POKEMON STORY TIME
IF YOU’VE PLAYED X AND Y YOU KNOW HOW INFURIATING THE LEGENDARY BIRDS ARE. IF YOU HAVEN’T HERE I’LL PUT THIS INTO PERSPECTIVE FOR YOU: YOU GET A BIRD BASED ON YOUR STARTER AND ONCE YOU’VE ENCOUNTERED IT IN THE WILD, YOU CAN TRACK IT WITH YOUR POKEDEX WHILE IT ROAMS. IT IMMEDIATELY FLEES, SO YOU CAN’T BATTLE OR CATCH IT. YOU JUST HAVE TO TRACK IT AND ENCOUNTER IT 10 TIMES BEFORE IT FLEES TO A STATIONARY LOCATION. OH, AND YOU CAN’T FUCKING FLY, YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THIS ON FOOT.
I AM CHASING THIS ASSHOLE ZAPDOS ALL AROUND FUCKING POKE-FRANCE, CONSTANTLY FLYING TO LUMIOSE TO RESET IT’S POSITION AND HOPE ITS SOMEWHERE NEAR WHERE I AM SO I CAN QUICKLY BIKE TO IT. MY THUMBS ARE FUCKING RAW AT THIS POINT, I AM SO MAD. EVERY TIME I’M ON ROUTE 14, HE’S SUDDENLY ON ROUTE 4, AND VICE VERSA. THIS ASSHOLE WILL NOT LET ME EVEN GAZE UPON HIS SPIKY VISAGE, PRETENTIOUS CONDESCENDING FUCKING BIRD IS TOO GOOD FOR THAT.
ABOUT HALF WAY THROUGH, I DECIDE WHEN I DO CATCH HIM, I’M GOING TO FUCKING HUMILIATE HIM.
FINALLY, FINALLY I REACH TEN ENCOUNTERS AND LET OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF AS I SEE HIS LOCATION CHANGE TO THE SEA SPIRIT’S DEN. I QUICKLY BOUGHT 99 POKEBALLS, READY TO CUT HIM DOWN 10 NOTCHES AND MAKE HIM MY BITCH. I HAVE A MASTER BALL HANDY, ZAPFUCK, BUT YOU ARE UNDESERVING OF IT’S GLORY.
THIS SHIT JUMPS ME, AND I SEND MY SHINY OCTILLERY OUT TO MAKE WORK OF HIM. PICKLES FIRES A FUCKIN ICE BEAM AT THAT GUY AND SENDS HIM DOWN TO RED, AND BAM, THE CUMSTAIN IS FROZEN. I LAUGH. I THROW MY POKEBALL. I NOTICE IMMEDIATELY UPON THROWING IT THAT IT MAKES NOT THE NORMAL POKEBALL NOISE AS IT ZOOMS THROUGH THE AIR, BUT THE CRITICAL CAPTURE NOISE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A CRITICAL CAPTURE IS? ESSENTIALLY IT’S A CRITICAL HIT FOR POKEBALLS. IT’S BASED ON CHANCE, AND HOW MANY POKEMON YOU’VE CAUGHT. YOU’RE GUARANTEED A CATCH IF THIS HAPPENS. THE POKE BALL CLICKS ONCE. THE LIGHTNING BEAST IS MINE.
I HUMILIATED AND TOOK SIEGE OF A MAJESTIC LEGENDARY BEAST, TONIGHT, AND I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE SATISFIED.
it’s been like six years and i’m still not over the last five minutes of dr. horrible
really? because I didn’t feel